Cheating Ways – All Anal Edition

The new Cheating Ways blog post is up.

This time around it’s called Back Door.

It’s the cheating girl’s guide to anal sex.

Want to know more?

You’ll just have to click the link!

Then, comment, tell your friends, complain to Fox News!

Show your moral outrage!

LJ Drama

Does anyone have a cached copy of the post that made decide to delete his LJ?

Work Conversations

Actual work related conversations today:

“My girl is grossed out if I ask for a foot rub. She’d never let me put my foot in her mouth for sex.”

“No straight man’s ass is clean enough to lick.”

“A woman’s ass is a beautiful thing. A man’s ass is for crapping, farting and scratching. That’s the way nature meant it to be.”

Spiderman Sex

I was reading the best blog on Nerve today and realized that many people don’t know what Spiderman Sex is.

A Spiderman is when you are having sex with a woman doggy style.

Right before you are about to cum, you pull out and spit on her ass, so she thinks you’ve cum there.

In actuality you’ve cum in your hand. Then you wait until she turns her head to look at you and fling the web of cum into her face and scream “Spiderman!”

It’s almost as fun as the Chocolate Bronco.

That’s when you are doing it doggy style and switch holes without warning. Then you grab her hips and try to hold on while she angrily tries to buck you off.

Polite Anal Sex – A Night At Vert Anglais The Best Bar In Montpellier

Was back at Vert Anglais tonight for the Thursday night band night of The Waves.

For the first time in three weeks both halves of Woody Allen Film Reference were there.

Along the way we got into a discussion about this guy they know.

The heart of the discussion involves two facts about him:

1. He’s the most polite guy anyone has ever seen.

2. His girlfriend wants to remain a virgin until marriage, so they only have anal sex.

This led to a debate: “How the fuck do you have polite anal sex?”

Do you say “Excuse me, can I shove my cock up your shitter?”

I mean isn’t the whole point of anal sex that it’s somewhat rude? And wouldn’t you almost need to spank her ass and say rude things to her while you were doing it? Otherwise, what’s the point?

Think about it.

You have to get out a bottle of lube. Then you have to finger the ass with the lube. Then you have to lube up your cock. Then you have to ease it in and hope you don’t hit a “turtle” (the porn slang term for a turd that would block full entry.)

Finally you are balls deep in her ass, but she’s convinced you are not “fucking” because your dick isn’t in her vajayjay. But you are probably playing with her clit, assuming you are a guy who like gives a shit about her cumming before you splooge.

And then you cum inside her and she has an orgasm but you are both convinced she is still a virgin.

What a lot of fucking effort when there is a self lubricating hole like two inches away.

Anyway the conversation then denigrated to the point where I was telling them about the Tony Blair press secretary who I once did a dirty weekend with who then sent me a pair of her panties from 10 Downing Street with a compliments slip from Tony Blair. (If you are American just google “compliments slip”)

Then they were telling me how hard it is in France to find a boy who just wants to fuck and will then go the fuck away, because every French boy assumes you are like mated for life the second you touch his dick.

There’s more, but all in all it was a night of all of us getting nicely drunk, listening to a good band, being in a great bar, and just venting about our sexual histories.

And, that’s fun.

Particularly with two cute blond babes.